CARNDUFF — Robert and Carol Anderson celebrated their 55th wedding anniversary on March 21.
They didn’t have a nice dinner at home or a special dinner at a fancy restaurant. They celebrated at the Gainsborough & Area Health Centre, where Carol lives with dementia.
Their story began back in 1969 when they met in Winnipeg and were married the following year. Robert was a student in university; Carol a schoolteacher.
A year after marrying, they moved to Carnduff to help out with the family business – an International Harvester dealership. The family divested itself of that in 1989 and formed an automotive and industrial supply company where they both worked until their retirement in 2013.
They lived together and worked together. He did the selling and delivering, she maintained the office and drove a forklift in the warehouse. They spent a lot of time together. Over the years, their family grew to three children – Robert, Jennifer and Coral – and nine grandchildren.
Their togetherness continued in their retirement. They travelled every year. Their favourite destination was Spain because of the beautiful scenery and the people, who were very respectful and helpful to tourists. Together they danced, listened to music and watched movies. Together they often travelled to Winnipeg to be with Carol’s parents.
They also continued to walk, swim and golf together – activities they took up following Robert’s heart attack at the age of 42.
The only thing they didn’t do together was garden. Carol had a green thumb and Robert didn’t. Despite his efforts to help, it was always wrong. Through all this, Carol was healthy.
In 2022, Robert began noticing a few ‘quirks’ but didn’t think much of them at the time. Carol left things where they didn’t belong, she’d get up a lot during the night and more. At first, Robert ignored them and didn’t connect any of this with dementia. But things continued to deteriorate.
Carol, who Robert jokingly referred to as his GPS whenever they drove anywhere, lost that ability. She started questioning a lot of things and became argumentative. Never one to fall asleep while Robert was driving the car, she once drifted off while she was behind the wheel.
Robert, who had fallen asleep, awoke and was startled by how closely she was tailing the truck in front of her. She also lost interest in cooking, which previously had been a passion for her.
Robert began to realize something was seriously wrong. He tried caring for her in her worsening condition, but that took its toll on him. She’d wander around the house during the night and Robert couldn’t sleep because he wondered what she was up to. Had she turned on the stove? Had she gone outside? He even set up baby gates to limit her movement, but it was all to no avail.
One evening, the two of them went out to a local restaurant. When they returned home, Carol refused to get out of the car. Robert had to make an urgent trip to the washroom and when he returned to get her, discovered that she had tried entering the house by herself, fell and injured her head.
It was then that Robert realized that Carol needed more care than he was capable of providing. He began exploring continuing care facilities. Weyburn was too far away. Carlyle was a good option but a bit too noisy, so he chose the facility in Gainsborough in September of 2024.
Robert visits Carol three to five times a week. He is also on call 24/7, available to help out on a moment’s notice if Carol gets too restless.
Robert is very thankful for the home in Gainsborough. The staff keeps him well-informed with what’s going on with Carol and he feels they do everything possible to make Carol feel at home.
As comfortable as Robert is with where Carol is at, he still finds it hard. He is having to learn to do many of the things Carol did. He’s thankful for his daughters Jennifer and Coral, who come to his rescue.
He misses Carol’s guidance in decision making. There are still times when Robert forgets that Carol is no longer home. He’ll ask her a question only to remember that she’s in Gainsborough.
Robert receives a lot of support from a few good friends and his fellow Freemasons. He’s also part of a support group that meets monthly via Zoom.
He is very thankful for how well the Saskatchewan Health Authority has treated both Carol and him over the years with their health issues.
With eyes welling up with tears, Robert reflected on how much he loves the big hugs he receives from Carol when he visits. Those make him look forward to seeing her. He dreads the day when she will no longer recognize him.
He has chosen to focus upon what was and what continues to be in their 55 years of marriage. He refuses to dwell upon the what-if’s and the what-will-be’s.
